October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and today, October 15^th is World Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  If you work in any capacity with pregnant and new families, you will have an opportunity to support a family at some point who will experience the tragic loss of their baby during pregnancy or as an infant.  Here are ten things the childbirth educator or perinatal professional can do to provide resources and support should this happen to a family you are working with.

1. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) is an amazing organization that provides professional volunteer photographers to help families who experience a stillbirth or new infant loss preserve precious memories of their baby.  Consider connecting the family or their support team with this organization.
2. Send a sympathy card or short note. A few short words expressing your sympathy on their loss don’t bring their child back but help them to know that people are holding them in their thoughts.  Consider sending a card yearly on the due date, letting the family know you are still thinking of them
3. If you are aware that the family has not delivered yet, gently inquire if they might find the services of a doula helpful.  Many doulas have experience supporting families through stillbirth and infant loss and having a professional alongside them may be a great help.  Keep the contact information of some local bereavement doulas in a handy place just in case.
4. Identify local support groups for families who have suffered a pregnancy or infant loss.  The family may not be ready for this immediately, but with time, they may find comfort in connecting with families who have had a similar experience.
5. Include a resource sheet in your handout packet or online resources that is informative but sensitive in case you are not notified.  Parents may recall that this information is available to them.
6. Thoroughly discuss warning signs of pregnancy with instructions on when to contact health care providers.  Make sure you are clear that a change in or concern about fetal movement should always include a call to the provider.’
7. Families have choices in the event of a demise or loss. Families who have a stillbirth or newborn loss, or a baby who is going to pass, have many choices surrounding their baby’s care and the body after death.  Bringing a baby home for palliative care in a hospice situation, keeping the baby close in their room, (or even bringing the baby home) after it has passed and what type of funeral and arrangements for the body are all completely up to the family.
8. Respectfully and sensitively share an update with the remaining class members only with the permission of the family.  Be prepared and available to support families who may be experiencing a range of emotions upon hearing this news.
9. Consider arranging a meal train for the family, with their permission.  Other class members can drop off a home-made meal or arrange for delivery.
10. A donation in the baby’s name to an appropriate charity would be a lovely gesture, no matter how big or small.

Learning about a family’s loss is always sad and unfortunate.  A childbirth educator or other perinatal professional can be a valuable resource for the family who experiences a loss and has many decisions and difficult days ahead.  The small things that you do to help may offer a tiny bit of solace during an extremely painful time.  Sensitive and timely information delivered compassionately is appreciated.

Additional Resources

Star Legacy Foundation

October15th.com

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

March of Dimes

Empty Cradle

Published: October 15, 2019

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