There is a lot of terminology thrown around when you enter the world of pregnancy, birth, postpartum, baby feeding, and early parenthood. In our "Terminology Explained" series, we help you break it down, bit by jargony bit. 

The term for today is lightening.

What is Lightening? 

Official Definition: "Lightening" is the term used to describe when a baby in utero drops (moves down) into the pelvis prior to giving birth. In lightening, baby's head moves down lower into the pelvis. (A breech baby will also drop, but typically not as far down.)

When it happens near the last few weeks of pregnancy, the pregnant person may feel "lighter" as a result-- that is, less pressure on the ribs and on the diaphragm. In exchange, the person could feel more pressure in the pelvis and on the bladder (hello, more bathroom trips!). Or, the person may not notice anything at all. Often, pregnant people are told by others something like, "Oh, it looks like the baby has dropped!" if the belly appears to hang lower than it did before. 

Lightening can occur as early as a few weeks before birth and as late as a few hours before birth. First-time pregnant people may experience earlier lightening, and people with subsequent pregnancies often experience lightening closer to labor and birth. Lightening is a sign that the body is preparing for birth, but not necessarily a sign that labor is imminent (unless of course, you're in labor!). 

When you will hear/see the term used? Lightening is a description most often used by friends and family. Whether or not you have experienced lightening is not medically very important. Engagement, however, which is the stage when baby has fully engaged in the pelvis, is a term used to talk about your baby's progress in labor. Lightening can be a sign that your body is working toward getting ready for labor and birth, but a lack of lightening is not a cause for concern. 

Why is it important/beneficial? Lightening can bring a physical sense of relief by removing some of the pressure baby puts on your diaphragm and ribcage. Some people also enjoy knowing that they've experienced lightening since it's one step closer to meeting baby! While the presence or absence of lightening at the end of pregnancy -- 37 weeks and beyond -- is not critical, if you experience lightening before 37 weeks of pregnancy, notify your care provider as it could be a sign of premature labor. 

October 15 is World Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Families who experience the loss of a child need special resources and support. Resources found at the following sites can make a significant positive impact for families who are expecting or experiencing loss.

Star Legacy Foundation

Support and resources to families expecting a new baby or experiencing a pregnancy loss or neonatal death. 

• Information
• Research
• Ask the experts
• Peer support 
• Support groups

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS)

NILMDTS is a non-profit remembrance photography organization that provides free-of-charge photography services local to your area. Photographers in their network are specially trained to assist and support grieving families through photography of their child.

• Photographer directory
• Ideas for creating a legacy
• Care packages (Colorado)
• Remembrance walk

Still Birthday

Still Birthday provides informational resources on miscarriage and loss, support stories from other parents, and a directory for finding a Still Birthday Doula who can assist and support you in or after the birth of your child.

• Find a Still Birthday Doula
• Birth plans for expected loss
• Healing resources
• Hearts Release event

MISS Foundation

The MISS Foundation provides quick-access resources to counseling, advocacy, research, education, and support for those grieving the death or impending death of a child.  

• Family support packet
• Counseling in your area
• HOPE mentor
• Support group

Facts about Miscarriage

Simple question-and-answer style page that provides information on miscarriage.

Grieving Dads

Support for grieving dads through shared storytelling of experiences with loss. 

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

Share provides support, information, education, and resources for parents who have experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or loss in the first few months of life.

• Support in your state
• Share Español: Esperanza
• Grandparents support
• Memorial bricks
• Information on planning a memorial or funeral service

The following article also includes input from Sharon Muza, BS, LCCE, FACCE, CD/BDT(DONA), CLE

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in the United States and many other places around the world.  Pregnancy and infant loss knows impacts families from every corner of the earth.  Families whose babies are born too soon, or pass away shortly after birth are just as loved and wanted as any other child.  In this situation, families need to say hello and goodbye, often at the same time.

Grieving the loss of a child, while painful, is a required part of the healing process. There is never any "getting over" the death of a child, but there is moving through different stages and ways of feeling -- the cycles of intensity ebbing and flowing as they do.

In the hours and days after death, many parents find it comforting and healing to spend as much time as possible with their child's body. In fact, research has found that when parents are able to spend time and hold their babies for an extended length of time after death, they experience more positive emotional and psychological benefits. (Source)

A few years ago, the CuddleCot, a product developed by Flexmort, a company located in the United Kingdom, was introduced in order to give families the gift of time with a baby who had passed prior to or shortly after birth.  This discreet cooling system nestles into a bassinet or basket and creates a suitable location where a baby who has passed away can be placed, in order to remain in the hospital room or home of the grieving family.

The cooling system helps slow down the bodily deterioration of a baby who has passed.  It allows families to have their baby near them, and keep them close as they recover from the birth.  They can pick up and hold their baby as often as they want, and then place them back in the CuddleCot which is kept in their room.  Siblings, families and friends  can visit and also meet the baby and support the family with less of a sense of urgency.

It is also possible to utilize the CuddleCot at home, if the family chooses to bring their baby home and say goodbye in that environment.

The CuddleCot helps grieving parents in hospital, and also can be used for a period of time at home after the hospital stay. The traditional separation of parents and baby after death, when baby is taken for preparation for burial, can be very distressing to grieving parents. Research found parents reported that it "felt unnatural to leave their baby and of difficulty in going home empty-handed. Leaving the baby behind in hospital can contradict the parental biological instinct to care for and protect the offspring." (Source)

You can more about the CuddleCot on their website. It is my sincere hope that anyone reading this will never have the need for one, but even your brief knowledge of the device may one day help a family in need. Not all hospitals in the United States have a CuddleCot at this time, but its availability and use are growing. Many organizations and individuals have organized fundraisers in order to purchase a CuddleCot unit for their local hospital.

January is Birth Defects Awareness month. It's important to know that there is no one thing you can do that is guaranteed to prevent birth defects; not all birth defects are preventable. 

With that said, it's still important to work to do certain things that are known to decrease your risk of birth defects and avoiding certain things that increase the risk. The National Birth Defects Prevention Network (NBDPN), a national (US), volunteer-based organization that addresses the issues of birth defects surveillance, research, and prevention, provides parents with a list of five key steps that help prevent birth defects. 

#1 - Take 400 mcg of folic acid daily. 

In case you missed it, last week's post talked all about folic acid (and folate), the importance of it, and how to get it every day. NBDPN talks about the the specific role folic acid plays in preventing birth defects:

"Folic acid is a B Vitamin. Our bodies use it to make new cells like the hair, skin and nails. During early development, folic acid helps form the neural tube. Folic acid is very important because it can help prevent some major birth defects of the baby’s brain (anencephaly) and spine (spina bifida). These types of birth defects of the brain and spine are called neural tube defects."

#2 - Before stopping or starting any medication, see your midwife, OB, or doctor. 

Many medications are safe to take throughout pregnancy. Other medications are important to continue taking throughout pregnancy, even if there are risks, because the benefits are critical to your health. Some medications have alternatives that are safer to take during pregnancy. And some medications should be stopped altogether. It's important to make an informed decision about the medication you take or stop taking, under the care and guidance of your care provider. 

#3 - Get up to date with all vaccinations, including the flu shot. 

According to NBDPN:

"Vaccines help protect you and your baby. Some vaccinations, such as the flu (influenza) vaccine and the Tdap vaccine (adult tetanus, diphtheria, and acellular pertussis vaccine), are specifically recommended during each pregnancy. Having the right vaccinations at the right time can help keep you and your baby healthy."

#4 - Before pregnancy, try to reach a healthy weight. 

Being underweight and overweight can increase your risk for birth defects. Work with your care provider before pregnancy to learn about your health at your current weight and how increasing or decreasing your weight could improve your health for pregnancy. 

#5 - Avoid alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. 

Unfortunately, we don't know the "safe" amount of alcohol you can consume without risks of birth defects. For this reason, the current recommendation is to avoid it altogether. 

With tobacco, which includes smoking in traditional ways (cigarettes, pipe, hookah) as well as vaping, we know that it can harm the placenta as well as baby and cause certain birth defects. 

Marijuana passes through parent to baby and has been associated with impaired brain development. While more research is needed on its affect, the current recommendation is to avoid it during pregnancy. 

Opiod use during pregnancy can cause dependency issues in newborns. If you currently take opiods, talk to your doctor about safer alternatives. 

For questions about the effects of other drugs, talk to your health care provider. If you are dependent on tobacco, alcohol, or drugs and want to stop for pregnancy, your provider can help you find support to quit. 

There are some topics on pregnancy and birth that, no matter how many years pass, parents continue to question. We want to help clear up questions and misinformation with a series called "So You Want to Know About..." We'll be covering some of the most commonly talked about (and debated about) topics -- things that can make your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum safer, healthier, easier, and more enjoyable... or not. Today we're talking about lactation cookies. 

Lactation Cookies for Breastfeeding

What are they? 

Lactation cookies cookies made from ingredients known as galactagogues. Galactagogues are substances known to help increase milk production in mammals, including brewers yeast, flaxseed, oats, and fennel. Lactation cookies usually contain several galactagogue ingredients. 

What are they used for?

Lactation cookies are used by people who are breastfeeding / chest feeding and who want to increase their milk supply. There are a number of reasons why a person would want to increase milk supply, including having a true low milk supply, to pump more, to help induce milk supply when it would not naturally occur.  

Why are they a hot topic? 

Don't we all wish that a cookie would solve our problems?! Eating specially-crafted cookies for a period of time to boost milk supply is a potentially easy, if not fun, solution. Lactation cookies have even become a fairly big business with online retailers.

Lactation cookies, while not necessarily controversial, have prompted some professionals to issue a word of caution. First and foremost, professionals caution parents about jumping to conclusions about their milk supply. Many people do not actually have a low milk supply. If you believe you may have a low milk supply, connect with a professional, like a Lactation Consultant, to confirm. Sometimes what is thought to be low milk supply is actually just a baby who likes to nurse frequently or who is fussy. Look at some other behaviors/signs that are often confused for low supply at Kellymom. 

Second, professionals want parents to know that lactation cookies are not a proven or guaranteed method for increasing supply, despite the anecdotal evidence we have. 

What does the research say?

To date, science doesn't understand why or how galactagogues work to increase milk supply. Additionally, very few scientific studies have been completed on the efficacy of galactagogues, including ingredients found in lactation cookies. Of the small number of studies, the findings are inconclusive. Only two studies found that galactagogue ingredients were successful at boosting milk supply, compared to placebo.  That said, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence from parents who have experienced a boost in milk supply from taking a galactagogue. And there are no harmful side effects. Experts have found that using galactagogues, like lactation cookies, along with more frequent breastfeeding or pumping is most effective at boosting supply.  

What's the bottom line?

Lactation cookies fall under the "can't hurt, might help" category of resources for boosting milk supply. As long as you first investigate the reasons why you wish to boost your supply, since most people do not truly have a low milk supply that needs boosted. Talk to a professional, like a Lactation Consultant, for help.   

For more information, learn about galactagogues on Kellymom and take a look at this low-sugar lactation cookie recipe on Eat This, Not That. 

Covid has changed so many things. What it hasn't changed is a pregnant/birthing/new family's need for support and resources. Thankfully, pregnancy, birth, and postpartum professionals have stepped up to the challenge and now, nearly everything can be provided virtually. Take a look:

Virtual / Online Childbirth Classes

Live online childbirth classes are informative, practical, and fun! Get the advice and preparation you need for labor, birth, breastfeeding, and postpartum all from the safety and comfort of your own home. Look for classes that are interactive, meet weekly (aka, a "series" class), offer hands-on practice of comfort measures, and teach you concepts in a variety of ways (lecture, videos, exercises/activities). With online classes, you still get access to a live and in-person instructor to answer questions and receive feedback. 

Virtual / Online Labor & Birth Doula Support

For people who wish to have a doula but are unable to do so during to Covid (due to hospital restrictions or personal safety preferences), most doulas are offering virtual support, which includes video calls during pregnancy for prenatal meetings and continuous virtual/video support during labor and through birth and early postpartum. A virtual doula can provide suggestions for comfort and position changes in real time, as well as answer questions and prompt you to ask questions of your own to in-person support staff/providers. 

Virtual / Online Lactation Support

Support for breastfeeding is worth it's weight in your liquid gold. You can still get the support you need even during a pandemic! Lactation Consultants are providing live video support to help you get breastfeeding off to a great start, to uncover reasons why you're having issues, and to give you the tips and support you need to have a healthy and satisfying breastfeeding experience.   

Virtual / Online Postpartum Doula Support

A postpartum doula is a professional trained to help parents in the first days, weeks, and months after giving birth. The assist in everything from teaching you how to bathe a newborn and assisting with breastfeeding, to preparing meals and performing light housework. Postpartum doulas are also invaluable in advocating for your own care and healing after giving birth by providing emotional, physical, mental, and informational support. In an ideal world, a postpartum doula provides in-person support. During Covid, you can still get invaluable virtual support from a postpartum doula through video meetings! With regular video calls, you can learn about normal newborn behavior, get all your postpartum questions answered, learn about infant feeding and sleeping, check in on your postpartum mental health, go over your birth story, ask about your physical health/symptoms, get local referrals for all of your postpartum needs, and learn tips for any challenges you're experiencing. Postpartum doulas can still help with meal preparation and shopping, if desired. 

                                               i.     The following information—and much more—can also be found in the free Lamaze Pregnancy Week by Week email. Sign up now to receive helpful information for your stage of pregnancy. Subscribers will be given the opportunity to complete a Lamaze Parent Satisfaction Survey after their pregnancy and receive a Lamaze Toys coupon. We want to hear about your birth experience and the impact that childbirth education may have had so that we can continue to make sure parents have the information they need for the safest, healthiest birth possible.

Week 0 marks the start of your last menstrual period, when your baby is still just a ‘twinkle in your eye.’

So that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with the pregnancy timeline. Pregnancy supposedly lasts for 40 weeks or more, or about 9 months. When you do the math, things can get confusing! To get to 40 weeks, you have to count week 0, when you are definitely NOT pregnant, at the time of your last period. This starts the count some two weeks before conception even happens!

Pregnancy is usually divided up into trimesters, each roughly spanning three months. Your first trimester goes from “0” weeks to about 12 to 14 weeks. The second trimester starts at the 13^th week (or so) and extends to around 24-25 weeks, and the third and final trimester goes until 37 weeks or more, to a time when it is considered optimal for baby to be born.

At 40 weeks, pregnancy is considered full term, but it can extend beyond that to 41 or 42 weeks. Babies will decide when they are ready to be born, based on when ovulation occurred way back in the first trimester, how well they have matured and grown ready for life in the big world, and on your body’s hormonal cycles.

So, let’s pick up the story here, with the last period. This may be the change in the upcoming chapters of your life, or the start of a whole new book! Your uterus and hormones have prepared a wonderful place to shelter and nourish a baby. When you get your period, your body starts the whole cycle of preparing for a baby all over again, and this is when and where pregnancy CAN occur. There is potential for this opportunity every month or so.

Let’s Talk: Contemplating Pregnancy

There are many helpful websites that will help you walk through the possibility of pregnancy. Let’s talk about three sites in particular:

1.) Ready or Not focuses on the very intentional contemplation of whether your life circumstances are right for pregnancy. The website will walk you through a number of considerations for you, your lifestyle and your close relationships. There are very interesting questions asked, and certainly ones that will help you in determining if you are indeed “ready or not.”

2.) Health Before Pregnancy is a great site for anyone considering having a baby. It reminds us that we owe it to ourselves to be as healthy as possible. You can update your reproductive life plan, find information about relationships, health and lifestyle and find information specifically for male partners.

Are you a member of the LGBTQ+ community? Check out the LGBTQ Parenting Network for fertility information as well!

3.) Our own website, Lamaze.org, has content to help you from pregnancy to parenting, including our Giving Birth with Confidence blog with up-to-date information and pregnancy stories shared every week. To start: explore the signs of pregnancy so you understand what your body may be telling you soon!

Story from a Mama Who Has Been There

I suppose, just like most other people, I always imagined that someday, I would be a mother, be a parent. It seemed like a given, way back then. Now that I am older, it does not seem as straightforward and idyllic as I dreamed when I was little. I have so many questions. How will I know when I am ready? Do I wait? How long? Should I go ahead? When is it too late? How will my life change? The word cloud in my head gets bigger and bigger."

Q & A with an Experienced Childbirth Educator

Question: “I don’t know if I am ready to be a parent or not; it is such a big step. I am not even sure if I want to get pregnant and be pregnant. It looks so easy and cool in the magazines and on YouTube, but I watch my friend and she had (and still has) such a hard time. How do you know you are ready for all of that? How does anyone know? It almost seems easier to avoid pregnancy for a while or just not plan for pregnancy and “kind of let it happen”. What do you think?”

Answer: As with every one of life’s milestones or transition times, contemplating pregnancy and parenthood is no different. Optimally, it would be great for you to be in the most envied position, like “livin’ the dream” of sorts. Most of us do not feel like we are consistently in that category! No matter where we are in life, or what issues or decisions we face, at the very least, it is always wise to take care of ourselves: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

Consider the following self-care areas:

• Are your work and home surroundings safe?
• Are you at your optimal weight? Health?
• Are there some habits you want to reduce or stop (smoking, drugs alcohol)?
• Are you taking any medications (over the counter or otherwise) that could impact your chances of getting pregnant?
• Are you financially OK? 
• How is your job? Living arrangements? Intimate relationships?
• Do you have any infections or sexually transmitted infections that need to be taken care of?
• Are you taking a folic acid supplement?
• Would a genetic counselor be helpful before pregnancy happens?
• Do you feel emotionally and mentally ‘settled’?

A visit to your health care provider for a check-up is also always a good idea. Or, consider a midwife for pre-conception counseling.

If you work towards the best “you”, then no matter what happens, you are better equipped to handle whatever life hands you. Of course, there is no right or wrong answer about the right time to become a parent or get pregnant, but you can certainly do the best you can to take care of YOU before that! Whenever you can, try to follow the Scout’s Motto: “Always be prepared.”

Sharon Prusky, RN, BN, MEd, LCCE, FACCE

Sharon Prusky is a childbirth educator as well as a registrar for the College of Midwives of Alberta. A mother of a teenage daughter and a teenage son, Sharon has been involved in Lamaze for many rewarding years. She also served as Lamaze’s the first-ever Canadian president in 2010-2011. Sharon has worked as a Maternity Nurse Educator in a low risk facility for experiencing amazing physiologic birth. You can feel Sharon’s passion for all things childbearing in her words and actions. She is presently helping build and move forward the profession of Registered Midwives in Alberta, Canada.

A Touch of Inspiration

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” - Reinhold Niebuhr

Get ready for birth with confidence — Join a Lamaze online class today!  Empower yourself with evidence-based knowledge and support every step of the way.

                                               i.     The following information—and much more—can also be found in the free Lamaze Pregnancy Week by Week email. Sign up now to receive helpful information for your stage of pregnancy. Subscribers will be given the opportunity to complete a Lamaze Parent Satisfaction Survey after their pregnancy and receive a Lamaze Toys coupon. We want to hear about your birth experience and the impact that childbirth education may have had so that we can continue to make sure parents have the information they need for the safest, healthiest birth possible.

Oh, the wonders of baby-making! Babies happen with the meeting of an egg and sperm in a process called conception. We will save that for next week, but first, we need to talk about ovulation, when an egg is released from the ovary.

The ovulation preparation time occurs in a variety of ways. An egg needs to be produced from an ovary, and that happens when a complex set of hormonal and maturational factors are perfect. Our brain’s hypothalamus sends signals instructing the anterior lobe and pituitary gland to secrete luteinizing hormone (LH) and follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) to mature an egg and release it from the ovary. Eggs ripen and mature and are released regularly every month or so, from when puberty starts until later menopause. When a mature egg is ready, it erupts from its follicle inside the ovary and is picked up by the fallopian tube, where it travels toward the uterus.

Let’s Talk: Ovulation Options

People arrive at pregnancy (and ovulation) from a number of different directions.

Scenario 1: All on Your Own. Some people ovulate and produce then release an egg(s) on their own. The period of time between last period and conception (sperm meeting egg) is called the ovulation time. For those planning a pregnancy, it is useful to know when ovulation is likely to occur, as fertility can increase during this time, and conception is more likely.

You can detect ovulation in a variety of ways:

• A change to vaginal and cervical mucus (where it becomes thin, clear, stringy, and ‘more slippery’)
• A better sense of smell, as the sex pheromones on others need to be detected (our innate sexual attraction)
• More sex drive
• Breasts may feel sore, tender, or larger than normal
• Feeling of the fallopian tube moving to attract the egg
• Charting the state of cervical/vaginal mucous and cervical softness
• Using an ovulation test

Sex during this ovulation time could join the egg and sperm. In a way, it is a bit of a guessing game. An egg, released from the ovary can live up to 24 hours, while sperm can live for up to 5 days. Although there are often sperm counts of over 25 million with each ejaculation, less than 500 sperm survive the journey up the fallopian tube. It takes only one sperm to penetrate the egg, and then it signals to the other sperm that the egg is “off limits.”

If you want to become pregnant, you can increase your chances by having sex every other day during the time from the end of last period until the next period happens. This can be most fun and exciting as you anticipate pregnancy possibilities, and it can be rewarding and pleasurable in and of itself! As one midwife put it, “Just enjoy having lots and lots of sex. It is one of the best times of your life.”

Some forms of birth control will not allow the egg to even be produced, so when intercourse happens, conception cannot occur. If you have been on a birth control pill, or other forms of contraception, it may take months for your body to regulate its ovulation once you stop.

Scenario 2: Putting the Pieces Together. Some people need additional help to make ovulation happen. If we do not consistently ovulate and we want to conceive, we usually enlist the help of a specialist to determine what is needed to stimulate ovulation: nutrition, hormones (as referred to above), lifestyle changes, stress reduction, quitting smoking, paying attention to our subtle body signals, etc. Your health care provider is often your best source of information and referral here.

In this case, ovulation is the result of some work and attention, with the actual conception (sperm meeting egg) as the next step in the process. Conception may or may not then be a challenge. If you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year or more without success, or three to six months if you’re over age 35, or if you’re having irregular periods, you may want to get a referral to the fertility specialist in your area. There are also many resources available to assist with ovulation, just search for “human ovulation.”

Scenario 3: Determined and Focused. Some people use an egg and/or sperm from someone else to conceive. In this scenario, ovulation may occur outside of our bodies with the fertilized egg then returned to us to carry, with some hormonal help. In the case of surrogacy or adoption, someone else may carry the fertilized egg.

Medical advancements, technology and research have created a new world of possibility for parents. The goal here is to become a parent, and there are many opportunities to explore and things to learn about yourself and your partner, if you choose one, that are invaluable. The thing to remember is that families are made in many ways!

A Touch of Inspiration

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus

Start your journey with Lamaze International’s expert-led online classes. Discover practical tips and real-world guidance from trusted childbirth educators.

                                               i.     The following information—and much more—can also be found in the free Lamaze Pregnancy Week by Week email. Sign up now to receive helpful information for your stage of pregnancy. Subscribers will be given the opportunity to complete a Lamaze Parent Satisfaction Survey after their pregnancy and receive a Lamaze Toys coupon. We want to hear about your birth experience and the impact that childbirth education may have had so that we can continue to make sure parents have the information they need for the safest, healthiest birth possible.

You’ve contemplated pregnancy and learned all about ovulation…so now it’s on to conception! When conception begins, , the human body undergoes an avalanche of changes in a very short time. Each change supports the growth and development of the baby, and eventually prepares for labor and birth.

What’s new with baby?

Conception is when an egg and sperm join. Pregnancy can occur when  the sperm burrows into the egg and conditions are positive, allowing that egg to become fertilized. After fertilization, the egg and sperm combine their genetic material to determine baby’s physical sex.

If the sperm carries a Y chromosome, it will be a boy. If it’s an X chromosome, it will be a girl. This combined ball of cells makes its way down the fallopian tube over time, aided by the fingerlike villi on the inside of the tube. This journey, and subsequent resting point within the uterus, to continue growing can take up to 12 days. This is the coolest part of the initial process – take a look at a virtual demonstration of this process.

What’s new with you?

The fertilization and conception phase is wondrous and happens, often undetected, during the time between the end of your last period until signs of pregnancy begin.

Meanwhile, what are you doing? It depends on how ovulation occurred for you. Let’s pick up the three scenarios from last week – follow the one that best fits you.

If your particular situation is not represented here, please let us know with a comment or email.

Scenario 1: All on your own. After sex, the egg and sperm connect, and share the genetic material to grow a baby. You may still be having sex to make a baby, without even knowing that it already worked! That’s perfectly okay, as more sexual activity at this time will not impact your new pregnancy. Implantation is the theme for next week; stay tuned!

Scenario 2: Putting the Pieces Together. Once ovulation is established, the next step is fertilization. If all goes according to plan, most people revert to the Scenario 1.

Sometimes fertilization is aided by medical technology around options like Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) where, when ovulation is detected, the semen is collected, washed and prepared, and placed into the cervix/uterus with a tube and syringe. Fertilization can occur from this intentional process. A few words to the wise, you can also have sex during and in addition to this process. Who knows which method will do the trick!

Try not to compare yourself and your situation to others. You have your own story to tell. Remember what matters the very most; you as a person and your closest relationships. Be easy on yourselves and go with the flow.

Scenario 3: Determined and Focused. The egg and sperm connect in a very controlled medical environment. Sometimes more than one egg is collected at the same time with the help of hormones given to the person that wants to produce the eggs. One or two for these may then be fertilized and implanted into a uterus with the lush, nourishing lining prepared. Others may be frozen and stored, or they may be fertilized, frozen and stored for future use. The exact times of the key events are known and there is no human intercourse/sex involved to make this happen.

Options for these fertilized eggs to grow might include your uterus, or a surrogate. It seems that with each layer of added technology, you and your close relationships have to adjust emotionally. The stakes are high but it is all part of the journey towards fulfilling your dream to become a parent.

Let’s Talk: Reactions to the News

Maybe you have been “trying”, maybe you have been doing IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) (or other intentional ways of getting pregnant), or maybe you hooked up with someone one time and are stressed out, hoping that you are not pregnant. No matter the circumstances, this time is represented by a flurry of emotion, all the way from desperation to joy and anticipation. Pregnancy is a major life event, and for up to half of you, it may not have been expected!

Depending on your circumstances, achieving pregnancy could be viewed as a step to parenthood and family, or you could also feel oddly confused, scared, unprepared and in denial. Sometimes the news of pregnancy is initially upsetting and the “worst thing ever”, because it can negatively affect your plans, hopes or intimate relationship, especially if it came as a surprise. It is okay to feel these emotions, as they are all normal reactions to pregnancy. It can be helpful to talk about your feeling with someone you trust. You may also find assistance from a pregnancy counseling service in your area, like private businesses, health units, walk-in clinics or faith communities. Once you find a person to confide in, it may be easier to look more clearly at the path ahead.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Just like many other situations, we have to make decisions at this time in our lives. Regardless of what choices you have available to you, it is optimal to make an informed decision, not just a knee-jerk or reactionary decision. An informed decision-making process will lay out all of the important considerations for you (who, what, when, where, why, how), encourage you to look at the pros and cons of each consideration, point out where more information is needed and identify helpful resources for you.

So, before you make a decision, look at your situation as clearly as possible. Spend some time finding out what options you have available to you, and ponder those options. Find a trusted impartial person to work through the process with you. Put your decision through the “BRAIN” test:

Benefits
Risks
Alternative options
What does your Intuition say? 
What would happen if you did Nothing

Finally, many people find that “sleeping on it”, or giving yourself 24 hours until you make your final decision helps confirm and solidify your thoughts.

Remember it is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

A Touch of Inspiration

“It never ceases to amaze me how from one egg and one sperm uniting, that millions and millions of cells combine to make (for the most part) a perfect baby! This is truly an amazing feat! I am astonished at every birth, that babies come out as perfect as they are.” - Sharon Prusky RN, CBE 

Discover the six simple steps to a safe and healthy birth. Enroll in Lamaze’s Safe and Healthy Birth online class and take charge of your birth experience. 

                                               i.     The following information—and much more—can also be found in the free Lamaze Pregnancy Week by Week email. Sign up now to receive helpful information for your stage of pregnancy. Subscribers will be given the opportunity to complete a Lamaze Parent Satisfaction Survey after their pregnancy and receive a Lamaze Toys coupon. We want to hear about your birth experience and the impact that childbirth education may have had so that we can continue to make sure parents have the information they need for the safest, healthiest birth possible.

It is likely too early to tell you are pregnant with most home pregnancy tests. Nevertheless, your baby and your body have begun working intimately together. During week three your growing baby begins the process of implantation. This process occurs in much the same way for both spontaneous pregnancies and assisted pregnancies.

What’s new with baby?

The first trimester is a period of rapid growth and development for your baby. Your baby begins week three looking like a tiny ball of cells (blastocyst) and is now attaching itself to the inner lining of your uterus. The process takes a few days to complete and is the signal your body needs to release the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). While the levels of hCG start out low (1-2 mIU), they continue to double every 48-72 hours in the early days of pregnancy. It will still be several days or a week before hCG levels are high enough to be detected with a home pregnancy test.

What’s new with you?

As your baby attaches to the lining of your uterus, you may notice light bleeding or spotting. This is called implantation bleeding and is noticed by about 1 in 3 people. Because it usually occurs a few days before a menstrual cycle is expected, some people may believe they are having an early period. This may be one of the earliest signs of pregnancy you notice.

Let’s Talk: In Vitro Fertilization

There are many journeys that lead to pregnancy. For some, that journey is supported by reproductive technologies such as in vitro fertilization (IVF). With in vitro fertilization, an egg and sperm are joined outside of the body. If a healthy embryo forms, it is then placed inside the uterus where it may implant and develop into a healthy baby. Let’s talk about the emotions experienced by those who have undergone assisted reproduction.

Story From a Mama Who Has Been There

Here I am, rounding out about 32 weeks of pregnancy (pun intended)…I have no idea how this happened. I mean, I remember the day that we drove out of state to have the IVF done. I remember seeing the little shooting star on the screen as they jettisoned the embryo, who is now our daughter, into me. I remember them poking around and it hurting a bit. I remember immediately changing my exercise routine and trying to rest up for a few days, but how I got from there to here is almost a mystery. Part of me still doesn’t believe it is true. How did I go from worrying about having another miscarriage to preparing to take care of an actual baby? With luck, I suppose.”

Read more about Julie’s journey on the Giving Birth With Confidence blog.

A Touch of Inspiration

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” – Dr. Sukhraj S. Dhillon

Q & A with an Experienced Childbirth Educator

Question: I’m going through IVF treatments for infertility and I am feeling so stressed about the whole situation. I’m afraid this will hurt my chances of getting pregnant. Do you have any advice?

Answer: What you are feeling is normal and you are not alone. Here in Canada, about 2-4% of pregnancies are achieved through assisted human reproduction (tens of thousands of pregnancies, every year!). There are certainly lots of things to think about while having treatments and this can mean increased worry and anxiety. These worries will likely not affect your chances of getting pregnant, and you can read a great blog post about that on our Giving Birth with Confidence blog.

Learning how to cope with stress is helpful for everyone, but for a look on how to cope with stress specifically for couples going through fertility treatments, read this resource from Health Canada. Self-care techniques at home are often all that is needed for making stress and anxiety easier to deal with. However, it is important to speak with a healthcare provider when self-care techniques are not enough and you are finding that worries are impacting your relationships, sleep and day-to-day routines. The sooner you speak to someone, the sooner you can begin the steps to feeling better. Your fertility clinic may have a counselor on staff or they may have a list of recommended healthcare providers. Your family physician can also offer assistance. Finally, you can  learn more about what to expect in a fertility counseling session.

For a look at US resources, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is a great starting point.

Lisa Baker, BSc, Bed, LCCE, FACCE

Lisa Baker is a hospital-based childbirth educator and health promotion consultant in Alberta, Canada.
A mom of two boys, Lisa has been actively involved with Lamaze since 2011.
She is passionate about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting and educates parents and professionals alike.

Just for Fun

Positive thoughts, or affirmations, are not just for labor and birth. Start a Pinterest board or create a journal of affirmations to encourage you through the days of trying to become pregnant, working through assisted reproduction, and dealing with early pregnancy discomforts.

Explore Lamaze’s full suite of online classes. From labor and birth to breastfeeding and pain management — find the support you need, when you need it.